


The Dragon Jester's Tale

by Brushfire_Wyndragon



Series: Angry Empress/Dragon Jester's Tale AU [3]
Category: My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic - Fandom, Rio - Fandom, Steven Universe - Fandom, Undertale, World of Warcraft, Zootopia, crossover - Fandom, kung fu panda
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6759532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brushfire_Wyndragon/pseuds/Brushfire_Wyndragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Dragon Empress and her Princess-Consort would like a new jester from the Academy, but Master Shifu isn't so sure about the candidate Master Oogway has picked...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> (All NSFW chapters will be labeled. Most chapters are just the adventure.)

_It's a bit cliché, but once upon a time, the humans lived in relative peace with the furlings of the continent of Runedren. The historians aren't entirely certain of what happened, but the humans segregated their lands from their closest neighbors, the nation of Keystone and the Dragon Empire, and cut all dealings with furlings after a human assassinated Emperor Ariel. The humans could have left the continent, considering that the other countries were all furlings and there were humans elsewhere, but instead, they stayed. Emperor Ariel's granddaughter Jian Ren now rules the empire, and in her short, fifteen year reign, she has had to deal with one of the human clans crossing the mountains on seven different occasions to attack her people. Keystone has had no such problems and continues emulating the humans' way of life from what they knew before the human lands were closed, but the Dragon Empire is distrustful of humans, and understandably so._

_The Dragon Empress has other things on her mind than relations with the human lands, however, like unruly members of her court and, in particular, a spy who forged credentials from the prestigious Academy for the Guidance and Education of Wit and Tomfoolery to pass himself off as a court jester and attempted to assassinate her after six months. Jesters advise rulers, as well as entertain, so the Empress has decided she cannot do with just one jester, and her Princess-Consort has sent a letter to the Academy kindly asking for a replacement. The grandmaster and his assistant are finding that easier said than done, though, since the Empress' “reputation”, along the unkindly moniker given to her by the crueler members of her court, “Angry Empress”, precedes her._

The red panda paced before the glass desk. “This is...pathetic. Out of thousands of students eligible for this post, only five attempted the task, and it seems some of them didn't even try! These are all speculation and conjecture!” he angrily gestured at the five folders laid out neatly on the desk.

“Well, the Dragon Empress does have a reputation...one that is not entirely deserved, of course, but that doesn't stop people from thinking such things. Let's send...this one,” the old turtle gently pushed the fourth folder toward the red panda, who merely glanced at it.

“No, no, it's too subjective,” he waved his little paw dismissively.

“Perhaps it is, Shifu, but it's the only essay to mention that the Empress has gotten married,” the old turtle pointed out, grinning at the red panda's shocked expression. Shifu quickly grabbed the folder and began rifling through the pages.

“Hmm, I wonder why no one else mentioned this. Her wife is the one that asked for a new jester...although that is...an odd choice, if they want an heir...,” he trailed off.

“It's not my place to comment on that...they are happy, from what I understand, and that is what's important,” Oogway pointed out.

“I suppose,” Shifu started when there was a knock on the office door.

“Come in,” the tortoise called warmly, and the heavy oak door opened slightly, revealing a round, white face that at first glance looked like a short panda, but the black markings more resembled the negative space of a skeleton.

“Oh, Master Skeltin--,” the red panda recognized one of the teachers and a former student. The door opened more, revealing a tall feline with similar black and white markings. “...and Master Skeltin...did you need something?” Shifu acknowledged the brothers. The bear wore a blue doublet with a white lace collar, and his eyes were blue with black sclera. The feline wore a suit of gleaming white plate and black chain, and there was a red scarf at his neck, the tattered remains of a blanket.

“I invited them here to help evaluate this student,” Grandmaster Oogway explained, gesturing to the folder Shifu held.

“...I see,” the red panda handed the folder to the bear with the sneaking suspicion that Oogway had already made his decision.

“ _*hey, Paps, it looks like Po might finally get a post!_ ” the bear grinned up at his brother, holding up the folder.

“ **OH, HE'S GOING TO THE JADE PALACE!** ” the feline gushed excitedly, although it was a little bittersweet.

Shifu cleared his throat. “Do you think Po would do well in the Dragon Empire?” he asked the brothers.

“ **I think Jian Ren would like him a lot. She hasn't changed that much since we left, has she?** ” Papyrus was trying to curb his enthusiasm.

“ _*from what I've read, she hasn't. As for Po, people easily open up around him, so he's good at getting information_ ,” Sans started.

“ **YEAH, HE'S REALLY NICE AND HELPFUL, TOO!** ” Papyrus added, the volume making Shifu's ears twitch.

“ _*he's somewhat better at physical comedy than jokes, but he's great at telling stories_ ,” Sans continued.

“ **HE'S AMAZING AT PLAYING HIS MOON GUITAR!** ” his brother carried on.

“ _*as for kung fu...Po is much better at fighting hand to hand than I am, but...I have the feeling he has a chi ability like my Gaster Blaster. He hasn't been able to unlock it yet, though_ ,” the bear finished as Oogway waved at him.

“That will do. Thank you. You may go,” the tortoise dismissed the brothers, but they hesitated to leave as Shifu spoke up.

“But, master, that's not--,” he began as Oogway waved the brothers away.

“Perhaps it's not too thorough, but I have the feeling it's meant to be...,” he explained as the office door closed, but Shifu was going through a filing cabinet.

“Ha! It says here that Po refuses to wear silly hats!” he cried, but the tortoise just looked at him.

“If you look in the Dragon Empire file, you'll find that the Empress refuses to make her jesters wear silly hats. That was added not long after Master Nao Monkey got settled in there,” Oogway continued.

Shifu ran to the filing cabinet of clients, looking a little frantic. “Shifu...Shifu, look at me,” he called, and the red panda finally turned from the files. “What are you really afraid of in sending Po to the Dragon Empire?” the turtle asked.

“I'm not! I'm just—we're not sending the Skel—the, the Gaster brothers there, after what happened to their father, so why are we sending Po Long, after what happened to his mother? It—it could be dangerous! I...I promised Li Shan I would protect them, and...I already...messed up on that,” Shifu paused, and Oogway stayed quiet, merely waiting. “If I had acted sooner...maybe...,” the red panda fidgeted.

“Maybe...we would be sending the Dragon Empress _two_ new jesters instead of one,” the tortoise finished for him. “I will ask the Empress if she would like a bard as well, since her new jester is part of a set, as it were...and Po will be able to take care of himself. We do not let students take up a post until they have proven that, after all,” Oogway pointed out.

“...right. You're right, of course,” Shifu took a deep breath. “I'll...I'll go tell Po the good news,” he gathered up the necessary papers and left the office in search of his former student.


	2. Replanting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Po finally gets to the Jade Palace, only to find himself in over his head with everything from his new boss to seemingly random headaches.
> 
> (I forgot to tag copyrights when I posted this earlier. -_-  
> Ling (and Su) belong to http://tc-96.deviantart.com/  
> Atoth belongs to http://www.furaffinity.net/user/tonythetiger)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long.
> 
> Should I make this mature instead of teen or whatever I have it on now?

The knocking startled the panda, and he looked wildly about the interior of the carriage before remembering where he was. “Yeah?” he answered, and a small door opened near the ceiling, revealing the canine driver.

“Hey, Po. Didja fall asleep?” the dog asked, a smile on his greying muzzle.

“What? No, uh, no...I was just...thinking, ya know?” Po fidgeted in his seat, picking up a pillow to fiddle with the edge.

“Oh, I get it. This is the first time you've really left the Academy—permanently, I remember—and the first time you're going to do what you've been training to do, in the professional sense...well, it's a lot to take in...oh, and by the way, you can see the Jade Palace now. On the left,” the old dog gestured, still holding the reins in his right paw.

"Yeah, boyee!” the mare furling pulling the carriage cried happily.

“Oh!” Po scooted over and pulled back the curtain on the nearest window. The road the carriage followed winded down the side of a mountain, and a huge valley spread out below. A walled city lay in the center, surrounding a mountain crowned by the Jade Palace. “Wow...the pictures don't do it justice...um, Jack?” Po turned back to the driver.

“Yeah?” he asked, catching the concern on the ursine's face afterward. “Is something wrong, Po?” Jack turned back to look into the carriage.

“...do you think...the Empress will...like me?” the panda kept twisting the edge of the pillow. Before the canine could answer, the stallion piped up.

“She totally ate the last dude who had your position!” the equine furling called back into the carriage.

“Dandy, that's _so_ not helping!” the mare yelled, flicking her tail at her brother.

“She ate _Monkey_?” Po asked, getting more worried by the second.

“Who said anything about a monkey?” Dandy scoffed.

“She didn't eat the monkey, Po!” the mare called back.

“Yeah, she ate the boar!” the stallion corrected.

“ _Dandy_!”

“ _Nancy_!”

“I swear, you two fight like an old married couple!” Jack's outburst shut the furling siblings right up, and it took some encouragement to get them reluctantly moving again. Only then did Jack turn back to Po, keeping the reins slack. “From everything that I've heard and read, the Empress greatly respects Master Monkey. It shouldn't be any different with you,” the driver declared, and the panda nodded slowly, as if he didn't completely believe it. The ride continued in silence. The anxious panda fully opened the curtain and rolled down the window, only to be greeted with a blast of hot air. The enchantments on the carriage did their best to keep the four companions cool, but they couldn't keep the banded bear entirely cool if he stuck his head out the window.

“Hey, Mom! Look! A panda!” a child cried, pointing at the carriage as it passed his family's roadside stand. The bovine woman continued organizing the fruits and vegetables.

“I'm sure you didn't see a panda...they hardly leave Pandaria,” she answered.

“I'm not a panda?!” a voice called out to her, and she looked up to see the panda looking at her as the carriage went by. Po flashed the woman a big grin to let her know he was only joking, and she looked relieved. “Hey, Jack! I'm getting kinda hungry. Can we stop for a bit?” Po asked, and the horses stopped before Jack could answer. Nancy and Dandy stood up, like most furlings easily able to switch between bipedal and quadrupedal, and started to stretch and dust off their running leathers. The break wasn't completely necessary, but they seemed glad to take it just the same.

The bovine furlings running the stand watched in awe as the panda emerged. He seemed to be some sort of noble; his blue and red outfit was certainly well-tailored for his shape, although he seemed to be a bit thinner than one would expect a bear to be. “What all do you have?” he asked, sniffing at the displays. The bovine family got right to work, explaining how they grew everything.

“We also sell milk and freshly squeezed juice,” the bovine woman Po had grinned at gestured to an enchanted cooler nearby. She had dark brown fur, with a lighter brown that covered her chin and disappeared down the collar of her shirt.

“Oh, cool. Wait...hey guys, do you want anything?” the panda ran back to the carriage briefly before coming back to open the glass door on the cooler.

“Are you a noble?” the boy who noticed Po piped up. The panda glanced between the boy and the cooler, deciding how to answer as he grabbed a few drinks. He had a short black mane, while the rest of his fur was white with black spots, with one over his left eye. The young furling wore purple-rimmed glasses, a notebook and a Yin-Yang charm hung from his neck, and he had a pair of purple rings that interlocked to create a heart on the middle digit of his three-fingered hand. Normal for the more feral-looking ungulate furlings.

“Carlisle, please don't bother him,” his mother fussed, but Po raised a paw.

“It's alright. I'm the new jester, actually. Name's Po. I'm going to work for the Empress,” the panda creature explained.

“Ooh, cool! Can I draw you?” Carlisle lifted his notebook up and pulled out a box of colored pencils.

“Sure,” Po grinned as the rest of the family packed up his produce. As Carlisle flipped through his notebook to find a blank page, something caught Po's eye. “Wait...let me see,” the panda flipped back a few pages. “Hey, that's Monkey! This is really good...and is this the Empress?” he paused as he realized something. “Have you met them before?”

“Yeah, Master Monkey comes by more often than the Empress does,” Carlisle nodded.

“They visit every so often, since our lands help provide for the palace and the empire. Empress Jian Ren likes to make sure we have everything we need...and our farm isn't the only one. I mean...when Empress Toriel was still well enough to rule, she would send people to do the same thing...but she never...Empress Jian Ren is doing everything her mother did, and more, but in her own way. And there are those who...dislike her for it, even though they loved her mother,” Carlisle's mother explained.

“Right...I read about that. I...it reminds me...about how my sister got bullied at the Academy...,” Po glanced over and noticed the young furling was already about halfway through the drawing. “Do you know Lady Sing Sing? Because... that's her symbol around your neck. She's my aunt,” the panda pointed out, and the young bull froze. “Don't worry: I know she had a good reason for giving you one of her amulets. Hold on a second,” the ursine furling ran back over to the carriage and started digging through the trunk.

“Is everything alright, Po?” Nancy called back.

“Yeah!” Po finally pulled out two jars and closed the trunk to run back over to the stand. “Here,” he handed them to Carlisle, who looked confused. “Peach jam. Grandmaster Oogway keeps an orchard at the Academy, and he gives a couple dozen jars to each student when they finally leave to take a post. It's really good. Oh, yeah,” the panda turned back to Carlisle's mother to pay for everything.

“Oh, thank you!” the young bull placed the jars in his pocket and turned back to the almost finished drawing.

“Po...I want you to have this,” Carlisle's mother suddenly came out from behind the stand, carrying a shiny, silver milk jug. “Agar Farms” was painted on with a gentle, pretty cursive.

“Clara...,” one of the others moved to stop her as she went by.

“I know what I'm doing, Mara,” Carlisle's mother whispered back, setting the jug in front of Po.

“Oh...wow. I...I don't think I'll need quite that much milk,” he chuckled a bit, admittedly a bit confused.

“Oh, I _insist_ ,” Clara patted him on the arm.

“O...kay,” the panda looked nonplussed as he bent over to pick up the jug. It was slightly heavier than he expected, but he managed to drag it over to the carriage to some scattered laughter.

“I'd better tie that to the luggage rack up here,” Jack jumped onto the roof, and Mara helped Po lift the jug high enough for the old dog to reach. As Jack tied it down, Carlisle came up and tugged on Po's sleeve.

“Here. I finished it; see?” he held up his notebook. It was well done, like the other drawings, and Carlisle had even drawn Po with the cheeky grin the panda had given Clara.

“Wow! You're really good at this. Do you like drawing people?” the panda asked.

“Yup. The Empress says she'll hire me at the palace when I graduate. She's even set up a fund so anyone can go to university,” the young furling grinned, but Dandy called from the front of the carriage before Po could answer.

“Where's my snacks, yo?”

“Dandy!”

“Right, I gotta go. I'll probably see you again when the Empress sends me over here. Good luck, kid. If you've been hanging around with my aunt, you'll probably end up saving the world or something,” Po clapped Carlisle on the shoulder.

“Ha! You, too, Po,” the boy grinned and stepped back to give the panda room, but Po ran up front to the horses before climbing back into the carriage. Nancy and Dandy had taken off their running gloves, setting off at a walk so they could eat their snacks.

“Clara...why did you give away a whole jug of milk?” Mara confronted her sister.

“He said he's Lady Sing Sing's nephew, and I'm inclined to believe him. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have Carlisle, after all. And he's the new jester to boot. I already like him much better than that dreadful monkey. He never made one joke about whether the milk comes from the livestock...or from us,” Clara looked pointedly at Mara.

“Oh...I...kinda like those jokes...,” Mara answered.

“Um...”

“Oh, Carlisle! Go tell your brothers to take their break,” Clara quickly changed the subject. The boy nodded and took off on all fours across the field. He easily slid under an ox pulling a plow, startling the animal, but he ended up running into a walking stick held by one of his uncles just a few feet past the other side. “He'll...get the hang of it...one of these days...,” Clara watched as the furling family members in the fields swarmed over her son, leaving the animals confused at the plows. The family still at the produce stand stood by, ready to run over at a moment's notice, but Carlisle was unharmed and merely dazed.

“Clara Belle!” she turned to find her husband squeezing the boy close. “Clara Belle! He's finally getting his horns in!”

Dandy and Nancy finished their snacks and, replacing their running gloves, got down on all fours again to continue at their former pace. There was a window below Jack's seat, and Po opened the curtain to try and get a better look at the city walls. The panda found his eyes drawn elsewhere, however. Although the horses' running leathers were more practical than aesthetic, he could still see the curves of their hips and the strength of their legs; realizing what he was doing, Po turned to another window, blushing slightly.

“Feeling better after having a snack?” Jack asked, having not seen what just happened.

“Y-yeah,” the ursine furling answered.

“Hey, yo, can I ask you a question? Why did you buy that big can of milk?” Dandy yelled back.

“I...didn't. It was a gift. She's a friend of my aunt's, I guess,” the panda answered.

“So, this was totally her way of flirting with you, right?” the stallion smirked.

“...what?!” Po tried to figure out what Dandy meant.

“I mean...she's a _cow_...she gave you _milk_ ,” the equine furling snickered.

“ _Dandy_!”

Po realized she probably said this a lot, but he was more focused on trying to scrub the heat from his cheeks.

“...the...the only reason to get furling milk...would be if you're trying to bottle-feed a cub or something...right?” the panda seemed to be trying to convince himself more than anything.

“That's true,” Nancy smacked her brother hard with her tail.

“Ow!” he cried, indignantly rather than from pain.

“Dandy, you are terrible,” the old dog adjusted his seat.

“Ah, you love me, though,” Dandy smirked back. The dog's silence and his sister's glare made the stallion shut up, though.

“Oh, that reminds me...having you gotten to talk to your sister yet?” Nancy asked.

“No...she won't answer my calls or my texts. My friends say she's alright; I think she's just mad that I got a post and she didn't...but I was planning on asking the Empress if my sister could come anyway,” the panda was feeling a little bit calmer now, laying down across the seat as he fiddled with the compact magic mirror. Jack couldn't quite see him since the ursine had switched seats, but the old dog was still keeping a concerned eye on him. After a while, the horses pulled into a station and Po was once again tasked with presenting the Academy papers to prove his identity. The frustrated panda rummaged through the carriage and finally found the yellow envelope under a pillow. It had originally been on the seat next to him; how it had ended up on the floor he had no idea.

The guard took the envelope and quickly headed into the back of the office; Po only got a brief look at her face, since she was bedecked in dark armor, but she appeared to be one of the smaller spotty cats. She quickly returned. “There you are, Master Long. The Empress is expecting you,” the ocelot furling said cheerfully, handing the papers back.

“Um, just Po, please--,” the panda started when he was interrupted.

“I can take them from here, Tandy.”

Po finally noticed a tall figure in similar armor through the glass window of the station, heading to the door as they switched out their gloves. “Alright. Aeon will escort you to the palace. If you have any questions, ask her,” Tandy the ocelot beamed at Po from the station window. She seemed rather proud of the other guard.

Aeon came outside and finished adjusting her running gloves before moving in front of Nancy and Dandy. Po only saw her briefly from the side window of the carriage; her head was bare, and she appeared to be a large wolf, with gray fur starting at her ears and fading into white around her muzzle. “Are you ready?” Aeon asked, dropping to all fours.

“Don't. Say. A. Word,” Nancy glared at Dandy.

“What'd I do?” he asked, faking innocence. The wolf headed forward with a sigh, and the horses sped to follow.

The ride through the walled city was uneventful, luckily. From what Po could see, the streets were wide and clean, and just less than half of the inhabitants looked to be reptilian. The vehicles in the streets were just as varied as the furlings on the sidewalks, and they were either pulled by furlings on foot, well-trained animals, or even powered by enchantments. The streets eventually started to incline, and Aeon led the way to a cavern. “Keep heading this way. The guard at the station will show you which path to take so you can unload and get out of those harnesses. There are accommodations for you here, but you may find an inn down in the city if you prefer,” the dire wolf explained, stretching a bit as she changed out her gloves.

“Thank you. Do people here often run about the streets like that?” Po asked, leaning out the window.

“Yeah. The higher ups would prefer I use my bike, but I get pent up sitting in a box all day. Not all different from your friends there, really,” Aeon gestured to the horses. “Have to obey all the traffic laws, a'course, and give runners and bikes the same respect you would a larger vehicle: don't follow too close and such. Usually the only time there's trouble is if there's some confused foreigner or a kid trying to learn the ropes. Every place has its quirks. I don't suppose you'll be driving yourself much, being a confidante of the Empress, though,” the wolf continued, but the panda merely shrugged. “I see. Good luck, Master Long,” she headed off down the sidewalk as the carriage entered the cave.

The first twenty or so feet were lit by sunlight, but enchanted lanterns lit the rest. The station Aeon spoke up lay up ahead, bifurcating the tunnel. Nancy and Dandy pulled alongside so Jack and Po could reach the window. Inside was a larger feline furling, black with white stripes and jade green eyes. A crown charm hung from his neck, visible against the work shirt inside his vest. “Oh, you must be Master Long? I'm Atoth,” the tiger introduced himself.

“J-just Po, if you don't mind. I have a twin sister, and sometimes it got confusing. You'd think the Academy would have straightened the problem of students with similar last names before we got there,” Po explained.

“Oh, dang. Okay, Master Po then,” the tiger nodded.

“Do you like Kingdom Hearts?” Po asked, gesturing to the necklace. The tiger looked nonplussed.

“Uh, sure...I'll just need to check your chi against the sample the Academy sent,” the striped furling pulled what looked like a blacklight out of a drawer as he tried to change the subject.

“What? I can't, um...how did they even get it? My chi's kinda all tied up with my sister's,” the panda started to sink down inside the carriage.

“You can't use your chi? Maybe you can now, since she's not here,” Jack pointed out.

“Don't worry; I can see it with this,” Atoth held up the light to Po, only to stumble back and fall out of his rolly chair. The panda's eyes and markings had briefly glowed gold under the handlight.

“What's going on?” Nancy asked as Jack leaned over to get a better look at Po.

“Um...are you okay?” the panda gripped the carriage window in concern.

“You have so much chi! And the color! I've never seen anything like it...except maybe mine...and the Empress,” the tiger pulled a box out of another drawer and set it on his desk. Inside was a glass case holding a golden orb. The case started to shiver and move toward Po, but Atoth caught it and placed it back in the box. “Definitely yours...would you like to see my chi?” he asked as he replaced the box.

“Uh, okay,” the panda nodded, and Atoth held the light to his face. His eyes and markings glowed iridescent, similar to light through a prism. “A rainbow? That's so cool!” Po leaned forward.

“Yeah, you know most people have specific abilities...but I don't...I...I can learn how to copy someone else's abilities, though,” the feline nodded, putting back the light. “So...you're all set. There's three ways to go up here, so you want to go to the far right. They'll give you a parking spot and help you unload,” Atoth handed Jack a permit, and the carriage started off again. The tunnel widened, revealing three different branches up ahead. Nancy and Dandy went to the tunnel on the right as Atoth had pointed out. The parking lot wasn't too much farther, and there were people there who guided the carriage into a parking spot. Wooden platforms divided the rows that faced on another, and the horses had to climb up on them to properly park the carriage.

Jack pulled open the canopy over his seat and hung the permit up. “This lot is for...oh...oh...,” a reptilian furling had walked over, and, realizing Nancy and Dandy were not animals as they stood up to stretch, started to vigorously clean his glasses on his shirt hem. Jack jumped down and started to undo his friends' harnesses, and the reptilian furling began to help. Po climbed out, and after tipping the people unloading his things, he climbed up on the platform.

“Wait...that's not part of your gear?” he tapped his cheek as Nancy was completely unbuckled and stepped away from the carriage.

“Oh? No, this is just a halter. It's not connected to anything. It...just helps me feel the part,” she giggled and dusted off her running leathers before leaning over to hug the panda. “Mwahh! Good luck, Teddy,” the equine furling kissed him on the cheek, making him feel childish.

“Yeah...thanks,” Po turned as Dandy stepped forward.

“Yeah, good luck, yo! Hanging out with you was fun,” he grinned at the panda, who had a moment of revelation.

“Wait, have you been calling me 'Yo' this whole time?” Po asked.

“Yeah! ...is that not your name?”

“No! It's 'Po'! With a 'P'!” the panda looked frustrated.

“Oh. Like 'pickle'?” Dandy asked.

“'Pickle'? Seriously? That's the first word you came up with?” Po was incredulous as Nancy burst out laughing.

“... _pickle_...,” he looked up as Jack approached him.

“Good luck, Po. I don't usually get passengers who are so fun to hang with,” the old dog grinned.

“Sure. If I ever have to take another trip like this, I'll call--,” the panda realized someone was behind him. “--you guys?” he turned to find an armored canine with long ears staring at him.

“You are the new jester?” she asked tersely. Po turned back, but his new friends nodded that it was okay and pulled away.

“Uh, yeah. I'm Master Po,” he introduced himself.

“Call me Doge. It is a title; no one is allowed to call me anything else. Since I am here, I will take you to the Empress. The afternoon audience has been underway for some time; that is why she has not come to see you herself,” she turned and gestured for him to follow. Po grabbed his pack and slung his guitar case over his shoulder before following her between the carriages and into the next room. It appeared to be an intersection, branching off into many different tunnels.

“Wow...where do these all go?” Po asked as he saw Jack, Nancy, and Dandy wave as they were led down one of the tunnels.

“Under the palace is a veritable maze. That way are the quarters where drivers and runners can rest and be pampered. That way is the Doñas' Sanctuary--”

“Doughnuts??”

“There is the museum--”

“That sounds cool. What kind--”

“And that one the end leads to Temmie Village.”

“...what's a Temmie?”

Doge turned to face Po again. “I'm not entirely certain myself. They appear to be...feline? I can only guess that they might be a mix of furling and Fae,” she shrugged and took off for one of the tunnels she hadn't explained, glancing back to make sure the panda was following. “There are many ways to get up to the palace...this is my favorite,” she kept going as the tunnel dimmed slightly, and they passed an underground river.

“Oh, that's what I was smelling,” the banded bear observed. The path they took branched off many times, but she didn't stop until they reached a sign and an umbrella stand.

“Here. You'll get wet otherwise,” she handed him an umbrella and opened another for herself.

“...it rains underground?” Po opened the umbrella and followed her, but she didn't answer this time. The tunnel twisted on through the “rain”, and Po suddenly found himself blinking in the sunlight. “We're back outside? I--,” he started, but Doge held up a paw to stop him.

“Look,” she pointed. Everything beyond the wall of the city was visible. From this side of the palace, Po could see everything from the mountains in the east to the rolling farmlands of the north.

“Oh...oh, wow. So...everything the light touches is the Empire?”

Doge looked at Po for a moment before laughing. “That is true. From the mountains in the north, east, and west, to the sea in the south. Just like a jester to quote movies,” she looked back at the view for a moment.

“What's that over there? A castle?” Po held a paw over his eyes.

“Ah. Emperor Asgore's College. They study plants,” his guide supplied.

“That's a short name,” he observed. “Yes. The Empress attempted to name it as she thought he would. He...was not very creative with names, or so it's been said,” Doge looked out over the land.

“What's that? That...doesn't look right...,” Po asked, and Doge followed where he was pointing.

“That light over the eastern mountains? That's the Barrier the humans put up. To keep us out I suppose. It's certainly not doing a very good job of keeping them _in_ ,” she sounded a little bitter.

“Seven times in fifteen years. That's like...once every two years. That's...that's a lot. What are these...raids? Even for?” he wondered.

“It seems foolishness, especially since they must absorb a furling's chi into their Soul Gems to even be able to go back,” she turned and continued along the stone path. Po quickly followed, and soon they were back inside another “rainy” tunnel. A few more twists and turns, and Doge led Po to the second umbrella stand.

At some point, the earth had shifted, splitting the path ahead, but Doge easily leapt up the ledge before turning back to help Po up. The tunnel soon led to a spiral ramp, and once they got to the top, the ursine furling was panting from the incline. Luckily, right through the double doors was a palace hallway; unfortunately, there were still a few more hallways before Po finally stood outside the throne room. “Stay here. When the Empress is finished giving audiences, someone will come for you. Good luck, Po,” Doge nodded and left on her own business, leaving Po standing by himself in an empty hallway.

He turned around a few times, debating, before finally settling down next to the double doors and opening his guitar case in an attempt to tune his moon guitar. It had been painted in black and white and covered in stickers relating to his favorite stories. As the panda sat there and tuned it, he realized someone was watching and looked up to find a canary and a cardinal staring at him from across the hall. They were much larger than their animal counterparts, and the canary wore a tambourine on his head. They both wore blue vests with matching pants.

“Uh...hi?”

“You have a guitar,” the cardinal pointed out.

“Yes...who are you?” Po asked uncertainly.

“Who are you?! I am Pedro, and this is Nico,” the cardinal introduced himself and his friend.

“We're some of the court musicians. You aren't going to take our jobs, are you?” the canary glared.

“What?! No, guys, I'm--” Po was yanked up by his arm.

“You are late!” the slender lion pulled again, but the panda was standing his ground this time.

“Leopold? You are not manhandling my new jester before I've even seen him, are you?”

The lion let go, and Po looked around to find himself standing before the doors, the thrones visible across the room. “N-no, Your Majesty!” Leopold ran off, and the panda hurriedly gathered his things and headed inside. The Empress, dressed in a red and gold robe covered in a gold breastplate, sat on her throne upon a dais, and the Princess-Consort sat next her, in loose-fitting clothes in reds and pinks with her head covered with a head scarf, a circlet, and a veil. Monkey sat on a perch with a padded seat, which sat on the next level down, but not at the bottom of the dais. He wore a hat, a vest, and matching pants, all red with gold and brown embroidery. The langur grinned and waved at the panda as the Princess-Consort leaned over to whisper to the Empress.

“Monkey!”

“Good, you recognize each other. You shouldn't be an assassin in disguise then,” the Empress spoke as Po made his way toward her. He got a vague sense of fear with all eyes on him, although he had never had stage fright before. The guards began to drift out, though, and one seemed to take interest in the panda as they passed. They wore dark armor, and the red-crested helmet rather reminded him of Full Metal Alchemist. The moment passed, however, and Po found himself standing before the dais, just him, Monkey, the Empress, and the Princess-Consort. “Master Long, yes?” the Empress asked.

“Just...Po, please. I have a twin sister, so--,” he started again, but the Empress nodded.

“Master Po?” she amended, and he nodded. When she did not speak again, he thought it was appropriate for him to do so.

“I...have my papers...and I can play for you if you like,” the banded bear set down his bag and started to pull out his moon guitar when he saw the Dragon Empress rise from her throne.

“No need to,” she answered. He had assumed it was the dais, but as she stood up and walked over to stand before him with her staff, he realized something.

“I knew you were gonna be really tall...but you're _really_ tall,” he gaped up at her. At 6'2”, he certainly wasn't short, but she towered over him.

The Empress seemed to find this amusing, grinning before pulling back the ursine's left sleeve. She examined his arm as she moved around behind him. He felt the staff briefly press against his buttocks before she went on to examine his right arm. “What's with all the poking and prodding?” he asked as she suddenly touched his belly. The bear was very sensitive about his size, so he didn't really like when someone brought attention to it.

“Hmm,” she pulled up his shirt, and there was a ripping sound as her claws tore through the girdle. His belly spilled out from under the fabric without his girdle to hold it in place.

“You won't need that anymore. I think you look better without it anyway.”

“What the hey--,” Po started when she suddenly pulled out his tongue. Being a bear, this lasted much longer than it should have, and he was too startled to stop her. She let go and cleared her throat.

“That was longer than I...that will do! You can go...get fitted by the court tailor. Master Monkey can take you,” the Empress turned away, and the Princess-Consort was already rushing up to her. Po couldn't really read her expression through the veil, but she certainly seemed unhappy. She caught the panda staring, and her gaze softened, although she gave him a slight nod to leave. He quickly grabbed his things and followed Monkey out into the hallway.

It wasn't until she was sure they were gone that she turned back to the Empress. Wide ribbons a color somewhere between blue and purple appeared at her back, created by her chi, and lifted her up to be face to face with the Empress. “Tiggy...,” she began to speak, “that was too...forward of you.”

Jian Ren glanced away, then back at her wife. “What do you mean? The men I've been with like me being forward. So do you,” Jian Ren asked, confused.

“I...that's not the point. This is not for play; this is for _marriage_. That...is not the way to go about it with a panda...it's too subtle,” the Princess-Consort picked at the hem of one of her gloves.

“Wait...was I being too forward or too subtle?” Jian Ren crossed her arms.

“Either way, it was too much! And...you didn't even ask if...if this was what _I_ wanted!” her words made the Empress look taken aback.

“...I thought you still loved him, Song,” she reached out and took the smaller feline's paws, stopping her from fidgeting with her gloves.

“I do! I do...but after what happened, he probably hates me,” Song looked away, but Tigress kissed her forehead, just below the bejeweled band of gold.

“That wasn't your fault, Little Cat,” she murmured, pulling her into a hug.

“I know that...but _he_ doesn't...,” Song sighed.

“Are you...I mean, you only know what I've told you about him, and I haven't seen him since I was eighteen. I'd...really like that, but...let's hold off on wooing him for now, okay, Tiggy?” she pulled back to look into her wife's face.

“I understand, Little Cat, but you need to tell him what happened at some point,” Jian Ren pointed out as Song lowered herself and retracted the chi ribbons.

“Yeah...I should tell him I became an assassin and got cursed...that's sure to go over well...I...I'll tell him...at some point,” the Princess-Consort nodded.

“I do have one question, though. Is he particularly squishy? It seems like that would be fun--,” Tigress started when Song began pushing her.

“Not in here!” the smaller furling laughed. “But yes. Good for cuddling...and other things,” she spoke quieter as she pushed the Empress out of the throne room.

As they left the throne room, Po fell in to Monkey's left side. “Okay...that was...weird. The Empress didn't examine you like that, did she? And why did she ruin my girdle?” he asked the langur.

“Well, the uniform is...,” Monkey tugged on his vest. “But, no, she didn't. I think she might be into you, Po,” he pointed out as they walked.

“I doubt that. She's married to another woman. I--,” the panda furling saw a bright light and heard something like a bawoop! He blinked, trying to get rid of the afterimage of a flower, and turned back to Monkey. “Ow, did you see that?” he asked, only then realizing Monkey wasn't there.

“Are you okay?” the langur furling asked from Po's left side.

“Weren't you...on this side?” the panda asking, turning back while holding his eye.

“I think you might be tired. It's a long trip from the Academy, after all,” Monkey looked genuinely concerned. “After we see the tailor, I'll take you to your new quarters,” he took Po's arm. The panda let him lead, still holding his eye.

“Well...maybe. I think I saw a flower? There's not any plant elementals here, is there?” the ursine asked.

“No...well, Ling mentioned a yellow flower she used to talk to when she was younger,” Monkey answered.

“Ling?”

“Yeah, she's the Emp—uh, I mean...”

“An imp? Is she that bad?”

“What? No, no. I meant, she's one of the kids adopted by the head chef. Ling's a good kid, and like the rest of 'em, she hangs out with the Empress a lot.”

As the panda and the golden langur kept going, neither one noticed they were being followed by something small and yellow. They stepped into the tailor's quarters, the first set of rooms being the shop. There were clothes in various stages of creation and repair on every conceivable surface, and the pair finally spotted the avian tailor bent over some work, the fan of striped blue and white tail feathers up in the air. “...and just this...oh, nononono! I'll have to rip everything out now...,” the blue jay complained as Monkey snuck up behind him, unseen.

“Tay.”

The blue jay jumped back with a yelp, and Po could now see that he was not a feral furling, taking on a much more mammalian shape. He wore a blue vest over a white shirt with puffy sleeves that left his wings free in the back, with a pair of matching blue pants. “Monkey! What did I tell you about interrupting my work, you heathen?” the bird fussed.

“Tay! This is one of my best buds and roommates from the Academy, Po,” Monkey cheerfully deflected the question.

“Oh, goody,” Tay answered unenthusiastically.

“I'm, uh...the new jester,” Po added. The bird glared at him for a moment.

“Right, of course you are,” the blue jay adjusted his beret and headed over to grab his measuring tape.

“...does he have a mustache?” Po whispered to Monkey, who nodded with a grin.

“...is it real?” he whispered again, but the langur just shrugged as Tay came back with a stool. Po was not much taller than Tay, but the avian furling started at the ursine's head and worked his way down. “So, uh...I...what do you think...of the Empress?” Po asked as Tay measured his arm.

“I don't like her...but she does pay a good deal for every item of clothing I make. Hold this please,” the bird moved around Po as the panda held one end of the measuring tape.

“Oh, what did she do to you?” he asked as Tay measured his chest.

“To me? Not a thing. I get that's she's a ruler...but she's far too masculine...and promiscuous,” he let the measuring tape out a bit to measure Po's belly.

“...and. That's. A. Problem. How?”

“She's a woman. She needs to act like one, or she's going to get the whole empire in trouble one day,” the blue jay started measuring down from Po's shoulder, ignoring the panda's tone.

“Of course, everyone knows she's controlled by her cock, anyway,” Tay continued, and the panda's face went blank for a beat before he recovered.

“That's a thing?” he mouthed to Monkey, who nodded, concerned.

“Wait...what you said...does that mean,” Po couldn't help himself. “That...your dick makes you make clothes?” he tried to keep a straight face. Tay jumped up from measuring the inseam in shock.

“Why I never!” the avian furling cried. Monkey tried—and failed—to hold back his laughter.

“You're lucky I'm getting paid to do this,” the blue jay angrily walked over and started writing down numbers. Po belatedly realized he had backed himself into a corner and went to go check the paper.

“Um...about the seat measurement...you need to add a few more--,” the panda started, but Tay slammed his taloned fingers down on the table.

“Do not tell me how to do my job! Do I tell you how to make insipid jokes?” the blue jay glared.

“Jeez, what's your problem? It has to be more than what I just said. Can't you just fix the seat measurement?” Po asked.

“Why?”

“...because I'm a bear.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It has a lot to do with how clothes fit me. Unlike how whether or not the Empress has a dick has any bearing on whether she is a good ruler or not.”

“Oh, get out! Get out! Get out!” Tay lunged at Po, who jumped back. “...how did you move like that? Never mind. I'll...I'll have your clothes done later this week. Just...get out,” the blue jay turned away to look at another piece of work. Monkey tugged on Po's sleeve, and they headed back into the hallway.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Tyler, you really need to take off that bracelet when you're doing things like working with dough,” the old goose waved his spoon at the young lion working in his kitchen.

“I know, Mr. Ping, but this bracelet is really important,” Tyler answered as he kept working.

“Now, look, there's no holes in your apron pocket. Just leave it there; you shouldn't lose it,” the goose tutted as he held up the apron. Tyler reluctantly removed the green heart bracelet and slipped it into the apron pocket before turning back to the dough.

“Hey, Ping, we're back!”

Two kids came in : a pale tiger furling nearing her teenage years and wearing a green and yellow striped shirt that was laced down the front, and a saurian furling who appeared to have no arms and wore a brown and yellow striped shirt. “Maxie!” Mr. Ping wrapped his wings around the reptilian child as they snuggled against him.

“The Empress started me on staff training today,” the tiger said proudly.

“That's good!” Mr. Ping hugged Ling, and when he pulled back, she found an apron tied around her waist. Maxie pressed against Tyler's leg, and he stopped to give them a floury hug. As he lifted them up, a vine snaked out from under a cabinet and into his apron, pulling the bracelet with it when it disappeared. When Tyler set Maxie down, they ran off to help, only to trip.

“Maybe I should ask Empress Tigress about training Maxie, too,” Ling wondered.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“...I...don't like that guy's attitude...,” the ursine furling sighed when he thought they were out of earshot.

“He hasn't gotten that angry before. I will talk to the Empress about it later,” the langur nodded. “Our quarters are on a different floor. Is your headache any better?” he continued.

“Yeah, actually. Thanks. We're rooming together again?” the panda asked, looking a little excited at the notion as they headed into a nearby elevator.

“Nah. Just right next door. And they have more room than the dorm room they put us in,” Monkey laughed. “I still wonder who decided to put five teenage boys and a teenage girl in a room together,” he grinned.

“Maybe Oogway. I liked having four extra brothers. We always looked out for each other...even...even after Greg struck out on his own. Still do,” Po leaned against the wall of the elevator.

“Yeah. How that kid of his doing?” the langur asked.

“Last I heard, Steven was just coming into the first of his Gem Powers. It's really confusing since he's like, the first Living Gem hybrid ever,” the panda stood up as the elevator opened.

“Too bad about Rose, though. I guess that would be the Gem equivalent of a coma?” Monkey headed down the hallway as Po switched to hold his bag in the other hand.

“Yeah. From what I read, pregnancy is hard as it is. And then she had to put half her magic into an earth gem for Steven. No wonder she's been resting in her own gem this whole time. Which way...?” the panda asked as they came a connection of three hallways.

“This way,” Monkey started as someone called him from down the other way.

“Monkey! Who's your friend?” she was a toucan furling, about three and a half feet tall, wearing a dress with layers the same green and violet as her beak.

“Eva, this is Po, my friend from the Academy. He's the new jester,” Monkey introduced Po.

“Oh, Po. Hmm, you are handsome,” Eva clasped Po's free paw in her wings. “It's good to meet you! I have to go gather my kids. The Empress just lets them go all around the palace during play breaks. See you!” she waved as she head off the way Po and Monkey had come.

“She seems really nice,” Po said as they continued on.

“She is. Her husband Rafael is one of our musicians,” Monkey explained.

“Oh...I think I met two of them already...they weren't very happy to see that I have a moon guitar,” the panda remembered.

“Just wait. Nico and Pedro won't take long to warm up to you...now, the door here looks plain now, but you can fix it up however you want,” Monkey stopped before a door. Po tried the knob, finding the door was only shut to, and pushed inside. It was a spacious room with a kitchen in one corner between a set of doors and a lone door. There was a big easy chair, a fireplace to one side, and a round table with four chairs in the middle. “...there's no fridge?” the ursine set his bag and guitar case on the table; his trunks had already been brought up.

“That's odd. I'll go talk to someone about it. That door leads to the bedroom and the bathroom, and these,” Monkey opened the double doors. “Lead to the balcony.” Po headed outside and leaned on the railing.

“This is nice. I can see the city from here,” he grinned as his friend jumped up beside him.

“Yeah. I'll let you rest. Need anything?” the langur asked.

“Well, could you go check on Nancy, Dandy, and Jack? They were my ride,” the panda asked.

“Sure,” Monkey grinned and headed to the outside wall before heading down along the facade.

“You still doing that? Be careful, man!” Po called down, waiting until the langur furling was out of sight before heading inside. He dug the food out of his trunks and filled the cabinets in the kitchen area with the snacks he brought, grabbing some bread and cheese as he did so. As he ate, the panda carried one of his trunks into the bedroom. One wall had a bookcase built in, but it was empty for the moment. There was a rather large bed, already made, and he wonder briefly how many pandas they'd thought would be sleeping in here. He finished his snack and brought in the other trunk, before sitting on the edge of the bed to debate whether to put his clothes in the dresser yet. Vines slithered out from under the bed.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Po found himself in an infirmary wing at the Academy. Everything was tilted and discolored and lit strangely. He took a step, only to find himself laying in one of the beds. No, he was still standing, but all the same, there lay his fourteen-year-old self. If it was a memory, and he was becoming more sure that it was, then he was remembering which one. It was bitter and painful and angry._ No wonder this place looks like it does. That day sucked.

_They'd all insisted on the same bed, perturbing the healer mages who tried help them._ Ha! ...why am I remembering them all as marshmallow sheep? _Greg was sitting in a chair by that bed as a mage tended to his split lip and scratches. Another mage was healing Monkey, who sat on the corner of the bed. A Draconic Mountain Cat sat next to him, waiting her turn. Teenage Po was at the other end, leaning against the wall with his right arm under his sister Mu Mu, who just stared out across the beds after being tended to. He was holding his head up, trying to keep the ice pack on his eye from sliding off. A clouded leopard lay against teenage Po's chest and under his other arm as a healer stitched one of her large ears up with magic._

Song... _She tried not to wince as the mage worked. It had been years since Po had seen her. He was interrupted from his thoughts as Papyrus wriggled up to lay between Mu Mu and the edge of the bed. The younger Po shifted so now his arm was around both, the skelly feline nuzzling under his sister's chin. Luckily Papyrus had gotten through with only a black eye. Sans had pushed him underneath when the students bullying Mu Mu had dogpiled them_

_Po looked for Sans and found the skeleton ursine sitting in a chair by the bed, watching his brother with a streak of blue blood drying on his right cheek from his swollen eye. The other glowed with chi._ I wonder if those two aren't part Fae or something... _An errant claw had stabbed Sans in the eye. Although his vision had been restored, the chi in that eye had been permanently blocked. This had led to the skeleton bear winking differently depending on whether he was in a good or bad mood. Po guessed it had more to do with which eye was open. The doors burst open, and Shifu ran down the aisle, stopping in front of the bed._

_“What were you all thinking, getting into a fight like that?! And Mei Ling! You should know better as a prefect!” the red panda pointed at the mountain cat as all the students glared at him._

_“My apologies, Assistant Grandmaster, but you have no idea what happened,” Mei said through gritted teeth._

_“Then tell me what happened,” Shifu insisted as the sheep mages backed away. “_

_We were trying to! Protect! MY SISTER!!” the younger Po yelled from the back, his voice cracking as he got louder. “_

_I was told this place was safe,” Sans said pointedly. “_

_Girls shouldn't be jesters anyway!” one of the students across the infirmary called. Shifu turned around with a glare, pinching his nose. Po couldn't help but grin a bit. He and his friends could give just as good as they got._

_The dream-memory was suddenly torn apart by vines, and Po found himself in a dark, twisted version of the throne room. “So...you have an idea of what she's had to deal with,” a hooded figure beside Po said, vines sliding out from under the cloak. The Empress appeared at the dais before a nebulous, shadowy crowd. She was joined by a blue fish woman with a red mane, what appeared to be a gray spider furling in pigtails, a yellow saurian in a lab coat, a snake with pink flowers on her head, and a thin, long-legged bird. A pale tiger also stood beside her, holding the paw of a young girl who had pale markings like her mother. The Princess-Consort was there, looking as Po had seen her earlier._

_The nebulous crowd was throwing conflicting insults as the Empress as she stood with her head bowed and her fists clenched. Is this a memory, too? “Don't,” the hooded figure turned back to Po, and the panda took a step back as vines closed in. “If she asks...do not go to her chambers,” the figure said._

_“The last thing that she needs is--”_

Po came to, sitting on the edge of the bed. He groaned and rubbed his head, the pain distracting him from the vines slithering under the bed. If he had been dreaming, he couldn't quite remember. The panda took off his shirt and the torn girdle, reasoning that he'd have to get using to going topless anyway. There was a knock at the door again, and he stood up, rubbing his temple as he crossed to the apartment door. “Um...Mister Panda? No, that's not right. What's his name?” a voice spoke behind the door.

“I think it was Long?” another voice answered.

“It doesn't matter how long it is...w-why...are you looking at me like that?” the first voice asked as Po opened the door.

Standing in the hallway was a hunched, reptilian furling with yellow scales and dressed in a lab coat. A snake lay curled around her shoulders, and she definitely seemed to be a furling herself since she wore a pink robe, with matching pink flowers on her head. Po remembered the dream. “H-hello. We...we heard you were moving in,” it turned out the woman in the lab coat was the first voice.

“We brought you a house-warming gift. So to speak,” the snake added with a smile.

“...right. Come...come on in,” Po stepped back to left them in.

“You can bring it in now!” the saurian furling called back as she came in.

A large fridge appeared in the door, and Po became alert again, moving to stand beside his guests so the fridge could be carried inside. “I'm Mage Viper. I'm a little tired from making your present,” she waved the tip of her tail, smiling again.

“I-i'm...High Tinkerer Alphys,” the chubby saurian introduced herself, holding up her hand.

“I'm Po,” the panda shook her hand just before recognizing someone else from his dream.

“...you were in my dream.”

The piscine woman turned to look at him with her good eye. “...riiight. You're not my type, dude,” she turned back, making the women helping her laugh.

“That's not...! Man, my head hurts so much,” Po turned to lean again the wall.

“Um, Po,” Viper tapped the panda's back, and he opened his eyes to see he'd pinned a yellow leopard against the wall without touching her. She had a brown mane the color of her spots tied up in a bun.

“Oh, I'm sorry!” he jumped back guiltily, but she just had a blank look as she moved to stand beside Alphys.

“He's gorgeous,” she whispered loudly to Viper.

“Cool it, Davi! Where do you want this, panda?” the fish furling called across the room.

“Just...wherever over there is good. Thanks,” Po answered, and the knights set the fridge down, only to have it move on its own.

“Stop that!” the piscine woman stomped and broke a tile.

“It'll totally look better over there!” a voice called from under the fridge.

“Mantis!” Viper hissed, and the fridge stopped.

“Put it back,” Viper warned, and the fridge moved back to where the woman had originally set it down. They picked it up again, and a mantis the size of a large cat scampered out.

“Whoa! ...ow,” Po held his head again.

“That's my assistant. He's supposed to keep the potion stores organized, but he keeps _sneaking_ them,” Viper explained pointedly.

“This was the third one. This is the biggest I've been yet, and it hasn't worn off yet!” Mantis declared proudly with a laugh.

“How did you even get under there anyway?” the fish woman glared at him.

“Quit antagonizing Undyne and the knights and get back to work,” Viper demanded, but as the insectoid furling passed her, she leaned down to kiss him on the cheek, making Alphys blush.

“Are you alright, Po?” Davi asked, touching his arm and making him pull back.

“Don't let my apprentice get to you, panda. So, what do you think of the fridge? I would have brought you one of the hot ones, but I got vetoed,” Undyne grinned.

“A...hot fridge?” Po held his head.

“Healing is not my best ability, but I could take a look. Alphys, could you?” the snake asked. Alphys nodded and stood in front of the panda, fidgeting as she looked away. He leaned down, and Viper placed her tail on his forehead. “I...honestly have no idea. A migraine maybe? Do you get those often?” she sighed, but the banded bear shook his head. A lion who had been helping Undyne pulled a bottle out of her pocket.

“Here, it's almost empty anyway,” she handed him the bottle of pain reliever.

“Thanks...and...thanks...everyone, for the fridge. That's...thoughtful, but that one is absolutely huge,” he grinned a bit.

“I g-guess I got carried away...pandas are supposed to...eat a lot...right?” Alphys looked up at the panda with guilt.

“Not quite that much!” Po laughed, taking the saurian furling by the shoulders. "It's okay. I love it...ow,” he hissed and stood up, holding his head.

“I'm sorry, Po. We'll give you some space,” Viper patted his wrist. The women gave a chorus of byes and shut the door. The panda turned to the fridge, still holding the bottle. The jug of milk from Agar farms sat inside. It gave him a laugh as he filled a glass in the sink and took some of the pain reliever. Heading back into the bedroom, the panda climbed back onto the bed, which was still made up. Vines appeared from under the bed again.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alphys stepped into her chambers, the door wooshing closed behind her when she heard a knock. Opening the door again, she found a wrapped gift on the floor in front of her, but the hallway was empty. She nudged the box, and when nothing happened, she took it inside. The chubby saurian took it to her messy desk and tried to clear a space. Sitting down, she found a note. “Here. So you don't have to keep using donated chi,” it read. Opening the box, she found a green heart bracelet. “A human Soul Gem!” she squealed. “I can do more Determination experiments! ...although no more furling test subjects, no, no, no...hmm, this seems dusty,” she touched the spot with a finger and tasted her clawtip. “Flour?”


	3. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's morning at the Jade Palace, and Po struggles to adjust while trying to contact his sister.
> 
> (Atoth belongs to http://www.furaffinity.net/user/tonythetiger  
> Su belongs to http://tc-96.deviantart.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I intended to post this chapter a lot sooner, but I have been trying to get ready for class this semester. I'll be living in the dorm, and I have five classes, so I'll be even slower in finishing and posting chapters. I'm sorry. You can contact me and ask questions if you want spoilers.))

Song stretched and reached out, only to find she was alone. She headed out of the bedroom in her nightgown, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Sunlight streamed in from the balcony, and the leopard grinned as she headed outside. “Always up with the sun, aren't you?” she laughed, but the Empress suddenly caught her in a tight hug. “What's wrong?” Song looked up into the tiger's face.

“I had another dream from my mother last night,” Tigress answered.

“Was she trying to tell you what happened to your brother again? Was there anything different?” the leopard asked, concerned.

“She took me out to the palace gardens again. There was a rundown shed, and inside I found...Master Po. He was tied up in vines,” the Empress explained.

“So...your mother...wants us...to tie Po up?” Song was trying not to laugh; she was unsuccessful.

“Either that or just by simply being here, he is now 'tangled up' in my brother's disappearance from the spirit world...why was that your first thought?” the tiger wondered.

“...because...I _have_ tied him up before,” the smaller feline snickered as her wife set her on the railing.

“Ah...will you go speak to Alphys today about my sister? And the others? I have to go check on a favor for Atoth after the morning audience,” Tigress asked.

“Atoth?”

“That black tiger that sometimes works as an attendant for the parking lots below the palace.”

“Oh, that guy you've been training with. I remember now.”

“I would like to explain more, but suffice to say he is in a similar predicament to you at the moment...has it been long enough that your old guild has stopped following you yet?”

“...I've checked the drops in the city. They've stopped looking for the woman they sent to assassinate you...and they haven't met the connection...but I still don't feel safe enough to...drop my disguise just yet...,” Song admitted, and Tigress hugged her again, resting her head between the smaller feline's ears.

“I wish you never had to have gone to that dreadful school, My Little Cat,” the tiger sighed.

“Really? How would we have even met then?” Song grinned playfully.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Po awoke fortunately pain-free, and he glanced around before getting up. He changed into fresh pants before heading out into the sitting room. The doors to the balcony were open, and Po found his phone sitting on the table next to something shaped like a panda face. He opened his phone, finding that the magic mirror inside was only reflecting. A faint blue glow came from inside the other object, and Po flipped it open.

“Good morning, Panmaster! All files successfully transferred! What do you think of my new case? Monkey thought I might need an upgrade anyway, but the Princess-Consort suggested the case!”

“Natasha!” the panda was relieved to see the little spirit in his phone was alright. At the moment, she appeared to be a chibi red fox in a black bodysuit, with gold bracers and a matching belt adorned with a red hourglass. “Wait, I thought you were afraid to upgrade?” Po asked, becoming concerned; she'd had the same case since his father had given him the phone for his eleventh birthday.

“I...I was. Very much so...but the High Tinkerer reassured me and let me talk to her phone! Look, I have a keychain, and I even have a storage space for _physical objects_!” Natasha gushed.

“Cool, I—wait, physical objects?” the panda asked.

“Yes. The High Tinkerer has a lot of creative chi,” the mirror spirit explained, and light shone from the twin mirrors in the compact, creating a portal at the intersection. “Put your old phone in!” Natasha suggested, so the panda shrugged and did so. The rectangular compact easily slipped through the portal and disappeared. Another portal opened over Natasha's head, and she quickly caught the old phone as it came through.

“I got it!”

“I see,” Po chuckled a bit as he headed over to the kitchenette. Natasha started rubbing her cheek against the old phone.

“Have I gotten any messages from Mu Mu?” the ursine furling pulled a teapot out of a cabinet and found a teaball in the pot after he heard it rattling.

“Ah, uh, let me check,” Natasha hurriedly put the old phone away. “Okay...you have...a text from LegendaryFartMaster, a video chat from CoolSkeleton95...but nothing from TheBitterDragoness,” the mirror spirit answered as she went through the list.

“What? 'Bitter', when did she change her phone ID?” Po stuffed the teaball full of tea leaves.

“Well, you hadn't tried to message her since before 6 PM...she changed it at 9,” Natasha observed. The panda filled the teapot with water before turning back to the cabinet to find a variety of containers labeled with gem names. He sighed before starting to choose.

“...eeny, meeny, miney, mo, catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollers, let him go. Eeny, meeny, miney, mo...ruby, it is,” he took the container and scooped the red powder into the teapot before adding the teaball and finally placing the whole thing on the heating pad. “Will you read me Sans' text?” Po asked Natasha as he grabbed a loaf of bread from another cabinet. There were only five slices left.

“'Po Bro, where are you? You said you'd call as soon as you got settled in. Are you alright?'” Natasha read.

“Wait...what time is it?” the panda glanced over at the sunlight streaming from the balcony.

“...8:17,” was the answer.

“Alright. From the schedule they sent me, morning audience doesn't start until ten. I didn't realize I slept so long. What I need is a map,” he prodded the toaster, as if that would spur it to go faster.

“Should I play the video chat?”

“Uh, not yet. I'll watch while I'm eating,” Po took one last glance at the toaster before rushing back to one of his trunks to grab some paper, an inkpot, and a brush. He set all this on the table and was just starting to write a letter to his sister when the toaster went off. As the ursine grabbed a jar of peach jam from the cabinet and started spreading it on the toast, he glanced over at the last three slices of bread. He twisted up his mouth in thought, finally grabbing one last slice and toasting it. “Can you play that video now?” the panda asked, bringing the toast and jam he already had to the table, along with the ruby tea.

Natasha disappeared, and Po saw his reflection briefly before the video came on. “ **PO! IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT? SANS' ANOMALY MAP IS GOING OFF!** ” Papyrus turned his phone around to show the large table map of Runedren. Po knew what it was since he'd helped build it. For a brief moment, he saw the lights at the miniature Jade Palace lit up before Sans shoved a paw in front of his brother's phone.

“ _*don't show him that!_ ” The video skipped forward, and Papyrus appeared again.

“ **SANS KICKED ME OUT. HE SAYS NOT TO BE WORRIED...BUT HE IS** ,” the skelly feline ended the video with a look of concern. Po picked up his phone, and Natasha brought up a keypad on the lower mirror, anticipating what the panda wanted.

“Paps. What kind of anomaly?”

Papyrus sent back a shrugging skeleton emoji. Then “ **PO! HOW ARE YOU?** ”.

“I'm okay now. I got a weird headache, so I took something and went to bed. Evidently I slept for like 14 hours. Sorry to worry you guys.”

“ **THAT'S OKAY. HOW IS MONKEY?** ”

“I only got to hang with him for a little yesterday, but he seems to be doing alright. I'll get to talk to him more later today. How is Mu Mu?”

“ **...SHE'S STILL UPSET. I UNDERSTAND. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I COULDN'T WORK WITH SANS. BONDS LIKE THIS MAKE CHI STRONGER**.”

“Yeah...I still haven't gotten to talk to Empress Jian Ren yet, but Oogway suggested that Mu Mu could work here as a bard so we could still be together.”

“ **THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. I'LL TELL MU MU LATER, BUT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, MUST GO TEACH SUMMER CLASSES! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!** ”

Po laughed at the last text when he smelled something burning. For some reason, the last piece of toast hadn't popped up. He managed to rescue it, but he had to scrape a lot of the burnt off with a knife before he could spread jam on it. The panda finally sat down to write with his toast and tea; if Mu Mu wasn't going to answer his texts, he'd try a letter. This was his sister, his _twin_ , and it was strange not having her around, the whispering at the edges of his mind gone. Sure, the twin telepathy thing could be annoying at times, but it was useful, along with comforting.

“Sis,

I'm so sorry. Oogway sent me on ahead. He was going to write the Empress, but he was hoping I could convince her to take you on as a bard. Please come. We can still be a team, like we always planned. I wasn't trying to hide anything from you, Mu Mu. You're like the Luke to my Leia.

Missing you a lot,  
Po”

The panda sat back to look at the letter, eating half a piece of toast in one bite. The letter was short, for sure, and he drank some ruby tea as he thought. “Why does it always taste like cherries?” he muttered to himself.

“Morning, Po!” Monkey jumped onto the panda's back. It startled him just enough that he bumped the table, knocking tea and ink over the letter.

“Dude!” Po jumped up and grabbed some paper towels before the liquid spilled over the edge.

“Oops...what's this?” Monkey grabbed the letter and gently shook it, trying to remove the excess fluid.

“I wrote a letter to Mu Mu since she won't talk to me...,” Po said, belatedly realizing that paper towels weren't enough for ink.

“Snail mail, huh?” the langur stepped away from the table.

“Uh, is there um...a linen closet in this apartment, or...? Hey, come back here!” the panda saw his friend run out with the dripping letter. At least the trail of ink and ruby tea wasn't too hard to follow.

“Hi, Undyne! Could you send someone to Po's quarters to clean up some tea and ink?” Monkey ran by the confused fish warrior, waving the wet letter.

“Oh...kay,” she answered as Po came around the corner.

“Is Monkey up to his pranks again?” Undyne asked, watching the panda pause to catch his breath.

“He...startled me...and I spilled stuff...on the letter to my sister...,” he explained between pants.

“Oops. Who knows what he's going to do with that letter. You have a sister?” Undyne looked around the corner at the trail of tea and ink.

“Yeah. She's been at the Academy with me...I...I still need to ask if the Empress if she can come, too...she's a bard, though...even though she wanted to be a jester,” the panda explained.

“Po, are you coming or not?” Monkey called back, and Po took off running again. He followed Monkey up a few flights of steps, finally stopping to catch his breath again.

“Oh! Come in. So you must be Po,” a tall, feral avian furling waved the panda into what looked like a doctor's office with a wing as he perched on a wheeled stool, holding the damp letter in his talons.

“Yeah. You're...one of the court mages, right? Yan Ci Crane?” Po asked, moving to stand by the bird and Monkey.

“Why didn't you just tell me we were coming here?” the panda asked, but the simian just grinned.

“What happened here?” Crane asked, gesturing to Po with the wet paper.

“I startled him,” Monkey admitted.

“That's tea and ink. I was writing a letter to my sister,” Po added.

“Oh, I can handle that. Just...,” Crane set the letter down on a clean counter and held his talons out, reaching out with his magic. The liquid bubbled up from the paper and separated into its components. Monkey grinned as his friend got excited over realizing that Crane had done so without disturbing the written ink at all.

“That was...really cool. There are mages at the Academy, but we didn't really see them do magic...unless we went to the infirmary,” the panda blurted out.

“Did you often end up there?” Crane let the tea drain into the sink, but he placed the ink in a small bag before disposing of it.

“End up where?” Po answered, a bit distracted by the magic.

“Not really. We usually had to make him go if he needed it. He's stubborn,” Monkey explained.

“Oh...hmm, you have a typo in here. You've referred to your sister as 'Luke”,” Crane held up the paper.

“That's...not a typo,” the panda admitted; Monkey looked like he was trying not to tell a secret.

“Really?” the avian handed the letter back.

“Yeah...my dad would send tailors to make us costumes for the Day of the Dead, and one of them got our sizes mixed up. Sans made us wigs since the tailor sent us these weird, felt things,” Po explained.

“Why didn't you have one of the school tailors alter the costumes?” Crane pointed out.

“That's exactly what the prefect who always hung out with us said!”

Monkey couldn't hold his laughter in any longer.

“Yeah, I know. A dude in a dress, but Leia is badass!” Po poked his shoulder.

“No! Who was the prefect who always hung out with us?” Monkey chuckled.

“You know who she is. What do you mean?” the panda asked. Whatever it was, Monkey was in a really good mood.

“Hello! Oh, Po, is that you?”

He turned, and there was a Draconic Mountain Cat standing in the doorway of Crane's office. “Mei Ling!” Po scooped her up in a bear hug.

“I thought it was you! You give the best hugs!” Mei hugged Po's neck. “What are you doing here?”

The panda grinned. “I'm the new jester,” he said proudly. “Oh, congratulations...you can put me down now, sweetie..,” Mei said gently.

“Ah, sorry!” Po hurriedly put her down.

“What are you doing here? How is little Wei and...um...what's-his-face?” he asked.

“'What's-his-face' is right...he cheated on me. He couldn't handle me being a traveling bard.”

“Mei Ling is the prefect that always hung out with us. Like a big sister,” Monkey changed the subject.

“I see,” Crane looked relieved.

“Wei is here, by the way. I've decided to stay here and work for the Dragon Empress, so you might see him with the other children. My boyfriend Yan Ci has been an absolute sweetheart in helping me with my son,” Mei explained, pressing her paw into Crane's wing.

“Oh! I like you better than what's-his-face already,” Po declared, and the couple laughed at his enthusiasm.

“Since we're on the topic, is Fang here with you?” Mei asked.

“Ehh...it really has been forever since I've seen you. He broke up with me,” the panda admitted, fidgeting.

“Oh, I'm sorry, Po,” the spotted feline bit her lip.

“You've only been worried about Mu Mu since you got here, so I guess things didn't work out with Socks, either?” Monkey asked.

“Socks?” Crane looked confused.

“His name is Rey, but he always went by Socks since, well...,” Po started.

“He's a fox,” Monkey snickered.

“Oh, sooo Socks is a fox with sock markings?” Mei realized.

“Yeah, but we broke up, too,” Po admitted.

“Oh, I'm sorry, Po. These things happen sometimes. I'm sure you'll find someone new when you're ready,” the feline patted the panda on the arm.

“He's already caught the eye of the Empress,” Monkey teased.

“I don't think so. She's like, our boss and stuff,” Po pointed out as he realized Monkey was pulling out his phone.

“It's the...eye of the tiger! It's the thrill of the fight!”

“You stop that!”

Crane was hiding laughter behind a wing as Monkey kept playing the song. “I'm gonna go. Bye, Mei Ling,” Po nudged her shoulder.

“Oh, sure. See you around, Po,” Mei Ling grinned up at him as Monkey and Crane kept snickering. Po sighed and headed back to his apartment. His interrupted breakfast was still there, but someone had come in and cleaned up the black ink and ruby tea. While it was a good thing the mess had been cleaned, he was a little worried that someone had come into his quarters.

Finishing up his jam and toast, Po decided that he should send his sister one of his figurines along with the letter. That was easier said than done, however. Po had a big collection, and as he searched through the trunk, he was having trouble deciding. Human and furling superheroes, characters from video games, movies, and comic books, and even actors. Eventually he came across a pair of figurines molded with the same base. They were both ducks, just children, dressed in matching sailor suits, one with the classic Fauntleroy hat and pants, and the other with a blonde, feathery mane and a tattered skirt.

Donald and Della Duck. Po had come to know a good deal about them in his studies at the Academy. The twin birds had started out as actors and ended up studying at the Academy themselves. Even as adults, they were still actors, but Donald entered the Keystone military, becoming a mascot of sorts. Della, on the other hand, had become an astronaut, and was seemingly missing in action. Donald had visited the Academy, and Po had been lucky enough to speak with him. The duck had pointed out that his nephews were about the same age as Po.

He turned the conjoined figures over in his hand, thinking. The Duck twins had started out the same but took very different paths in life, similar to how Po became a jester and Mu Mu a bard. He certainly didn't want to lose her, and it seemed they might drift apart if he didn't do something. The panda stood up and headed into the kitchen. There was someone who might help him, but she wasn't easy to contact. Checking the cabinet, there wasn't much besides bread left, and not even much of that, either.

Po took the last two slices of bread and placed them in the toaster. This time he paid more attention, hovering over the metal device and constantly smelling it in an attempt to keep them from burning. The impatient bear eventually pulled the latch knob to pop the toast early, and it came out a pretty golden brown. He set the toast on a fresh plate and began to meticulously spread peach jam on both slices, trying to keep the jam a uniform thickness and from spilling over the edge. Satisfied, he took the plate over the the shrine. Jam and toast wasn't a very big offering, but the panda's ethereal visitors had made it clear that they were happy with whatever he ate.

Po stepped back, giving the shrine a wide berth as he knelt down. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he was about to start his prayer when a pair of arms wrapped around his chest. This was not how it was supposed to happen. Not at all. Ghosts were one thing; those who had passed on were another. He hadn't expected her to visit at all; he could tell when she came, but she was little more than a wisp of a presence, leaving him with guiding dreams.

No, she had never appeared like this before, that he could remember. Like she was still alive, hugging his chest with her head resting on his shoulder. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, knowing if he tried to look at her, he'd start to cry. Those who have crossed over no longer have the ability to actually speak, but Po could feel she was very proud of him.

Then her emotion changed. He saw the image of a flower in his mind's eye, and it seemed she wanted him to both beware and help the flower. “What?! How can I...Mo--,” he opened his eyes, realizing he was alone again. Taking a shaky breath, he rubbed the heels of his palms against his eyes to try to stop the tears. Po stood up and took the empty plate from the shrine, musing over his mother's warning of the flower.

He certainly wasn't expecting the emotional whiplash. In his time at the Academy, Shifu had taught the panda how to meditate. Po found that it couldn't always calm him down, but he still had some time to kill before he had to be in the throne room at ten o'clock. Grabbing his phone, he headed out, but getting to the ground floor took some doing. The palace gardens were as colorful as the pictures he had found led him to believe, but they were more expansive than expected. The panda steered clear of the maze, but he found a small clearing surrounded by golden flowers.

Po decided to work out a bit first, using slow movements and deep breaths. After a moment, he heard a noise and turned to find a good-sized rabbit mimicking his movements. “Oh, you're a panda bunny!” he was pretty sure it was an animal and not a furling, although it was pretty large for a rabbit. It had black and white fur, like a panda, although a pink diamond marking adorned the forehead above big, green eyes. “Hi, there,” the panda furling offered his paw, fingers curled into a loose fist with the expectation that the rabbit would sniff him. Instead, it bumped its paw against his.

“What...?”

“I see you've met the Nosy Bunny.”

Po spun around to find the Empress walking past. The black tiger he had seen attending to the parking spaces below the palace was beside her.

“Nosy bunny?” he asked the tigers.

“She is a very sly rabbit, always insinuating herself into situations she should not be in. She once followed me and my wife into our quarters when I was amorous. She refused to leave,” the Empress said matter-of-factly, patting the rabbit on the head.

“You are a bad bunny,” Po chuckled, pointing at the rabbit. She clicked her teeth at him before running off. The animal jumped up and twisted in the air to face him again, clicking her teeth and grinning at him before disappearing into the flowers.

“I swear, that rabbit wants to know everything,” Atoth declared.

“Perhaps. By the way, Atoth here is undercover. Master Monkey can fill you in on the details, Po, but I must be going,” the draconic tiger explained, patting the panda's shoulder.

“Sure. See you later, Your Majesty,” Po said, and she and Atoth headed off further into the gardens.

“At least he never tries anything with her...,” came a voice from behind, and Po turned to find a flower staring at him. A flower with a face. Just as he tried to understand what was happening, the screeching headache returned, making him double over in pain. When the panda stood up again, he was alone.


	4. A Little Bit of Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Po attends morning audience with the Empress for the first time and plays some music for her afterward. It does not goes as well as he'd hoped.
> 
> (Su belongs to http://tc-96.deviantart.com/  
> Lily belongs to me! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23648286/  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97jntHIN8IU  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1SGmrINqMg)

Po finally joined Monkey again outside of the throne room, the case of his moon guitar slung over his shoulder. The tailor was still working on the panda's new clothes, so he was wearing a pair of dark trousers with matching boots. Po was not quite sure why the Empress had decided that her jesters' uniforms should consist of pants, a vest, and a hat. While the gold, red, and brown fabric looked good on Monkey, the panda wasn't sure how it would look on himself. The guard let them in, and across the hall, Po could see that the Empress had already started her morning business, talking to the short line of citizens before her dais. The Princess-Consort was not in her place beside her Empress this morning.

“She's just getting started, so we haven't missed anything,” Monkey said quietly as they made their way over. The Empress slouched on her throne, one leg over the arm of the chair, in an attempt to make her eight foot six frame, not counting her horns, less intimidating, but it only served to make her look nonchalant. Despite this, she still listened attentively to those who had come to her for help. The tiger gave her jesters a small smile as they climbed the steps of her dais before quickly returning to her audience. The langur furling quickly swung up onto his perch, taking a seat on the cushion. The panda soon realized that there was no place for him to sit, save for the Princess-Consort's throne, which he was pretty sure was off-limits and too small for his bear behind anyway. He settled for standing on the step beside Monkey's perch, setting his moon guitar down in front of him.

For most of the problems, it seemed the Empress did not need her jesters' advice, although she did glance at them every time to see if they had anything to add. The new jester still listened intently to those seeking an audience in case he did have to offer his advice, which, when he did, the tiger Empress readily accepted. The citizens each left satisfied in turn as she directed her guards and servants to carry out her proposed solutions. Finally a shark furling stopped at the bottom step of the dais. Fish, like insect furlings, were less common than other furlings, but they certainly weren't rare. This one lacked the bright coloring Po had seen on Undyne, however.

The shark, while certainly not a noble, was definitely more lavishly dressed than the others in line. He licked his lips. “Your Imperial Majesty, the drought still rages in the southern farmlands. The people are threatening to riot,” he explained, tail twitching.

“Is the High Tinkerer's pipeline finished yet?” the striped dragoness asked, setting both feet on the floor but still not sitting upright.

“No, the building has been slightly delayed for the heat, but the workers are doing their best and intend to finish as soon as they can. They can not work long in the heat, though,” the shark explained.

“Who is the High Tinkerer?” Po asked quietly, looking up at Monkey's perch.

“Her name is Alphys. I thought she came by your quarters yesterday to give you a fridge?” the langur answered.

“...she, she did, but nobody said anything...!” Po whispered back, confused.

“I can't just let them go hungry...Leopold!” the Empress called, and the diminutive lion rushed to her side.

“Yes, Your Majesty?” the chamberlain panted a bit.

“The surplus coming from the western farmlands—I want you to have fifty percent—no, seventy five—sent to the southern farmlands,” she announced.

“W-what?” Leopold gaped at her.

“Your Majesty!” the shark breathed in awe. Po glanced up at Monkey, who only grinned.

So this was who the Dragon Empress was. Po knew from the essay he had to write that her nickname of “Angry Empress” was so unjustly deserved, although she truly did have the right to be angry with how the court had first treated her, but this was the first he had seen for himself. In person, at least. He'd found a picture of her on the Mirrornet where she sat, encircled by tiny children in striped shirts, at least, in comparison to her size, and having a flower crown placed on her head by one. She had seemed happy to wear the flower crown in place of her imperial crown. Po found himself grinning back at Monkey as the Empress began to explain herself.

“The Jade Palace and this city can live well enough on the surplus of the surrounding farmland, without even rationing. I've done the math, although I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. We have gone this long without the surplus of the south. We can go without the surplus of the west as well until the drought is over,” she declared.

“Long live our generous Empress!” the shark cried, licking his lips again. Po wondered if the finned furling was perhaps dehydrated.

“I...I will spread the word right away!” Leopold started to run off when the Empress held up her paw.

“Have someone get Sir Pike something to drink as well. He looks parched,” she pointed out.

“My apologies,” Pike looked a bit ashamed as he licked his lips again.

“Don't be. It is understandable. I will not have someone wanting in my palace, guest or servant or otherwise,” the Empress imparted.

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Pike bowed deeply and left with Leopold, who still looked confused. There was still one person left in line, a schnauzer who was roughly scratching his head with his back turned to the throne. The merchant dog finally saw Pike and Leopold going past and quickly turned about to face the draconic tiger. He explained that he was from a neighboring country and wanted to broker a deal. The dog's speech rapidly became nonsense and insults. Po glanced at the Empress to see she had slid her leg back on the arm of the throne. She truly did seem bored this time, but she continued to listen to the schnauzer drone on.

Monkey seemed to take a cue from their ruler and relaxed, too, taking out a ball-and-cup toy. The sound seemed to bother the merchant slightly, but he continued. The panda sat down on the step in front of the perch and opened his case. The moon guitar had been jostled a bit on the long trek from the Academy and needed to be tuned again. He'd tried to do so just before his introduction to the Empress the day before, but he was unable to finish. Besides, he hadn't gotten to play then, anyway. As the ursine furling began to tune his moon guitar, he noticed the Empress glance at him, but she made no move to stop him.

Eventually Monkey climbed down on Po's shoulder and attempted to help. Although the two former classmates were on good terms for the most part, the panda was starting to get irritated at the two squabbled over the best way to tune the instrument. “This...is _my_ moon guitar! I know how to tune it!” he burst out, completely drawing the attention of the Empress now.

“My word! You'd think they'd be better behaved, but then again, they are _fools_ ,” the foreign merchant scoffed.

“Yeah, okay, but at least I haven't been talking nonsense for the last ten minutes or insulted women _and_ cats to _Her Majesty's face_!” Po shot back, glaring.

“Yes...tell me again how this trade deal will benefit my people?” the Empress stood up to her full height.

“B-b-but...!” the dog looked between the jesters and the Empress with a started look. “Y-you can't be a woman! You're wearing a man's breastplate!” the schnauzer tried to backpedal, badly. The dragon-tiger lost her playful demeanor, but she did glance down at her breastplate, gold and emblazoned in black with the dragon of her family's crest.

“'A man's breastplate', as opposed to what? Those silly decorative armor things? _Pfft_. I mean, who invented those? _Obviously_ not a woman!” the panda interjected, getting to his feet.

“ _Obviously_ ,” the tiger Empress agreed, her expression lightening as a smile played around the corners of her mouth.

“I mean, do you think that some lady blacksmith just got up one day and said, 'You know what? Today I'm gonna make a _breast_ plate!'” he continued. The merchant glared at the source of the satirical onslaught, but Monkey began to laugh.

“Yes, because how do we know someone in plate is a woman if she isn't wearing a _breast_ plate!” the langur added.

“Yeah, it's gonna kill 'er when it gets hit just right, but at least we know she's a _woman_! Not dying doesn't really have a gender, you know,” the panda went on.

“Why, I never!” the schnauzer scoffed again at the parodying. The Empress let out a warm chuckle, then called her guards.

“Take him to the border. There will be no trade deal with him,” she explained, and the guards carried off the struggling dog.

“This...happens a lot, doesn't it?” Po asked, now quiet and concerned.

“...yes,” the Empress answered before turning to look at him. “It happens more often than I'd like...but it does not happen half as much as did when I first became Empress...sometimes it comes from women, as well,” she explained.

“I can see how you got that mean nickname...but you have every right to be angry with being treated like that,” the panda added. Monkey looked a bit concerned that Po had brought up the “Angry Empress” name, but the Empress herself didn't really seem to mind.

“Thank you. I...liked the way you handled that...I needed it...although you need to develop your arsenal of puns more,” she sat back down on her throne, looking like, well, a great indolent cat again. “'Angry Empress'...you'd think I'd imprisoned my detractors and...beheaded the disloyal nobles, or something to that effect...the only bloodshed I've caused was the seven campaigns I had to lead when one of the human clans flooded over the mountains in the east and proceeded to loot and kill everything in their path...and I always did my best not to kill them...I am respected by my people...but that small section of my court, and 'guests' like that merchant? They do not,” she said. Po was not sure what to say, although he had gleaned all this from his studying to write the essay.

“You play the moon guitar? You offered to play me something yesterday, so would you do so now?” the Empress asked.

“Oh! Sure,” the panda quickly finished tuning the instrument and slid the strap over his head. “What would you like to hear?” he asked.

“Hmm...how about...something adventurous?” the tiger suggested as Monkey climbed back onto his perch.

“Sing one of Greg's songs,” the langur grinned.

“What? Okay,” Po strummed a few notes.

“Who is Greg? A friend from the Academy?” the striped dragon asked, curious.

“Yeah, he's a tuxedo cat, about my height, but he has the biggest mane I've ever seen. It's like as long and fluffy as his tail, which is seriously long and fluffy,” the panda explained.

The tigress chuckled, the tufted tip of her own unusually long tail flicking a bit at the thought. “Is he 'fluffy' like you as well?” she asked.

“Huh, well...in the last picture he sent, he had gained a bit of weight, but I don't know how since he's got a kid now,” Po was somewhat puzzled at the question, but he was hoping that's what she meant. The draconic feline only purred in response.

“Gregory was studying to be a bard, but he ran away from the Academy...and ended up with this big pink bear lady who is...somehow not a furling? Even though she looks like one,” Monkey started to add, realized what he was saying, and tried to backtrack.

“And his songs?” the Empress wondered.

“He liked to sing about the stars and space and stuff,” the panda pointed out. “I see. Then sing me a star song, then,” she suggested.

“Okay...lessee...I like this one. Gregory called it...'Like a Comet'...,” he grinned as he started to strum on his guitar. “Some...say I have no direction...that I'm a light-speed distraction; that's a knee-jerk reaction,” the panda sang as he played. The Empress was grinning at him. “Still...this is the final frontier. Everything is so clear. To my destiny, I steer,” he continued, and then the tempo quickened. “This life in the stars is all I've ever known; stars and stardust in infinite space is my only home...but the moment that I hit the stage, thousands of voices are calling my name, and I know in my heart it's been worth it all of the while,” the panda sang, happy the Empress was so pleased.

“And as my albums fly off of the shelves, handing out autographed pics of myself, this life I chose isn't easy, but it sure is one heck of a ride! At the moment that I hit the stage, I hear the universe calling my name, and I know deep down in my heart I have nothing to fear. And as the solar wind blows through my hair, knowing I have so much more to share, a wandering spirit who's tearing its way through the cold atmosphere...I'll fly like a comet. Soar like a comet. Crash like a comet. I'm just a comet,” he finished and looked up at the Empress.

“You have a wonderful voice,” she declared among the applause of the remaining guards.

“Ah, thank you,” Po glanced back at Monkey, who gave him a thumbs up.

“I'd like to hear you sing again. Would you sing a love song this time?” the tiger asked.

“A l-love song?” Po swallowed. That wasn't something he'd usually practiced, but he felt that he'd only gotten away with that since he had focused on being a jester instead of a bard at the Academy.

“Yes, a love song,” the Empress repeated. The panda furling flailed a bit, trying to think of a song and strumming a few notes before jumping in, one line before the chorus because he had forgotten some lyrics.

“A love that I could not forsake, 'cuz I'm your baby! And you are my man...,” he played faster than the original melody, giving it a rock edge.

The dragoness look a bit shocked at the choice of lyrics, and Monkey gave a slight snicker. “Whenever you reach for me, I'll do all that I can. Lost is what I'm feeling...when the world's too much...I...y-yeah, no...I don't remember this...,” Po tried to think again. “I could sing something else?” he suggested, but the Empress shook her head.

“Perhaps, but not right now. I...have to attend to something else,” the striped dragoness looked rather disappointed as she stood and walked down the steps of the dais to take off across the throne room as the guards snickered among themselves.

Po sighed heavily and fell back onto the step he'd been sitting on, dropping his moon guitar. Some of the strings twanged, signaling that it would need to be re-tuned, but the banded furling didn't care at the moment. “What were you thinking? Do you know why she asked you for a love song?” Monkey asked, poking Po in the side.

“...because she wanted to hear one? Why else?” the panda gestured, but stayed on his back.

“Because she--,” the langur furling started when someone shouted across the hall.

“I knew it! I heard you!” the yellow bird streaked across the hall, somehow all with that tambourine staying on his head. The canary landed beside Po while the cardinal landed on the step above.

“You said you weren't gonna take our jobs!” the cardinal stuck a wing in the panda's face.

“Nico! Pedro! Just because I'm a jester who sings doesn't mean I'm going to take your jobs! I doubt the Empress even wants me to sing again, anyway,” he finally stands up and starts to leave.

“As I was saying--,” Monkey gave Nico and Pedro a glare before continuing. “She asked you to sing because she _likes_ you. As I said _yesterday_ ,” he finally finished. The birds gave a collective “ooh”.

“You stop that! Why can't people just be straight with me? And I've been here for like...I haven't even been here a day! And! She's married! She...I...ah!” Po moved to leave again, but quickly realized he's forgotten his moon guitar.

“And because you like guys?” Monkey suggested with a grin.

“I, w-what! No! I-I mean, I'm pan, so that wouldn't be a reason I...stop that!” Po growled, grabbing his moon guitar.

“A panda..,” Pedro started.

“Who's pansexual?” Nico finished, and the two birds grinned.

“Oh, yeah, Go ahead. I've heard _all_ the jokes!” Po turned away, stowing his instrument back in the case.

“No, Pan-Pan! We totally get you!” the canary flew to one side of the panda, and the cardinal appeared on the other.

“Your love is not restricted by traditional boundaries! You are free to love anyone at all! That's...that's beautiful, man!” the chubby cardinal was getting so excited, he was starting to tear up. Po knew they genuinely meant well, but after the morning he'd had, he wasn't really in the mood to talk about his sexuality.

“...right. I'll...talk to you guys, later,” the panda pulled his case up onto his shoulder and quickly left the throne room. He found himself in the middle of a stampede of children in striped shirts.

The kids, all sorts of furlings, laughed as they chased one another, but Po noticed a reptilian child whose shirt had a distinct lack of sleeves. “Are you okay? They're everywhere during their play breaks,” Pedro appeared again by Po's shoulder.

“That one kid doesn't have any arms?!” the panda asked when the kids were out of earshot, looking confused and concerned.

“Oh, the lizard kid. Maxie's arms are just _really_ tiny. I wonder when Mr. Ping even found the kid,” Nico explained.

“The old goose had Alphys make some prosthetics, but Maxie won't wear them,” Pedro added.

“Well, it is Maxie's right not to wear them, isn't it?” a voice behind them said, and Po quickly turned to find the Princess-Consort accompanied by her ladies-in-waiting.

“Oh! Hello, Princess-Consort,” he greeted her. It was difficult to tell with the veil and hood, but she appeared to be a gray leopard. Monkey, Nico, and Pedro greeted her in turn.

“Hello, Nico and Pedro. Master Monkey. Master Po, I didn't realized the new jester the Academy was sending us would be so adorable!” the Princess-Consort slid under the panda's arm to hug him. “Oh, wow! You're still so soft!” she purred. Po wore a blank look on his face.

“Hehe, does this mean, since the wife likes you, too, it's okay for for the Empress to like you?” Pedro teased. The banded furling let out a strangled noise and tried to storm off, away from the direction the children had run. He ended up half-colliding with a wall and staggering off.

“He has no idea who I am, does he?” she realized.

“He...knows you're married to the Empress, and he knows your title,” Monkey pointed out, but she just looked at him, sighing. A purple/blue ribbon the color of the leopard's eyes rose up behind the langur and knocked off his hat. He managed to catch it, but when he turned, he only saw Pedro.

“Dude, it wasn't me! I swear!” the cardinal cried just before Monkey playfully tackled him. The Princess-Consort listened to the friends' laughter, walking away with a sigh. Her ladies-in-waiting quickly followed.

“Please pardon me for asking, but...what do you mean, Princesa?” the big-eared fox who followed behind her asked when they were out of earshot.

“Oh...I mean, they don't recognize me, Lily. We all went to the Academy together, but...they don't recognize me,” Song explained. The other three ladies, Pokémon, ran around in front of the two furlings and began to gesture as they spoke. The Braixen pointed out Song's hood, which covered the feline furling's big ears. The Gardevoir pointed out Song's veil, which covered the furling's muzzle. The shiny Breloom reached up, making circles around her eyes to mimic the goggles Song sometimes wore.

“They are right, Princesa. You've been in disguise this whole time, even before you admitted to being an assassin. La emperatriz Tigresa is probablemente the only one that has even seen your whole face,” Lily agreed with the Pokémon.

“I...I know. I need to tell them everything, but...I really thought _Monkey_ knew me. I mean, that yellow dork was always...crap! I almost forgot to tell Tigress about Alphys. I'm afraid she might be hiding something...she wouldn't let me see Su...,” Song headed down the hallway in search of her wife as her ladies-in-waiting followed.

 


End file.
